someone once told me...

..."when you wake up from a bad dream-if you tell someone about it, then it will NEVER come true."

I believe that person spoke a lot of truth in one sentence.


Disclaimer: This is not meant to be one of "those posts." The ones where girls complain about their single relationship status and such (which i have done before haha). This is completely just somethings i need to get out there. It really has nothing to do with my relationship status anyway! I promise!
..................................................... Back to my earlier point.

However, there are also teachings and stats about thinking/speaking negative things makes them much more likely to become true.

so which counsel do you follow???


You may wonder where this is coming from....
Let me share it with you now.
To be honest I have, since i was very young, always dreamed of becoming a wife and mother.
I have spent countless hours and years obsessing over what i would name my kids,
what color their eyes would be,
what traditions i would pass down to them,
late nights of rocking them back to sleep after a bad dreams woke them up screaming,
singing lullaby's to them,
tickling them until they laugh so hard they cry,
going to their soccer games,
dance recitals,
seeing how they grow and change the world,
their talents and how they share them,
the way the live the gospel,
where they serve their missions,
who they marry,
their beautiful children,
and so so so so much more.
(yes you already mothers are probably laughing at me because it isn't as fun as i make it sound....but i wouldn't trade all the bad times for a second of wonderful with my own future children.)

Basically i want to be the best mother ever...and married to the best father ever. (that is what i have, that is what i have always wanted to be)

BUT...in the last few years there has been a growing fear inside me that maybe i would never get married.
I would die alone, meaning i would lose the chance to have children.

Honestly that would KILL me!
That is the only thing i have ever wanted the way i long and ache for that.

Saying that out loud scares the crap out of me, but the person who told me "saying your nightmares out loud would make them disappear" is a person i trust more then some random fact maker man. If i die alone then i will blame this blog post but for now....I am going with trust of my parents.
hahahahaha.


I wonder sometimes if this fear is just plain insecurity or if it is honestly legit.
I guess only time will tell.
Everyone has different challenges and trials.
This may turn out to be something i laugh about later because i was being silly.
...I am learning though, about myself, that something i struggle with is loneliness. I could be in a crowd of people but if i don't know a soul i feel all alone.
Good thing i am a friendly person. I can make friends pretty fast. I think. haha


I don't really know what the point of this blog post was...i just needed to say it. that is really it. basically.

By the way...i am not saying this because i want to get married right now.
i feel that i am way too young to be getting married.
Come on, i have only been on this earth 19 years. I am still a teenager hahahaha
I am just starting to figure myself out and learn all about me. How could i right now expect someone to accept me for eternity when i still don't know who i am entirely? haha just putting it out there.

Happy Weekend!